The Dangerous Bride

What do you do when your husband claims to be madly in love with you but doesn’t desire you sexually? When your therapist is more interested in opening an online sex-toy shop with your husband than in saving your marriage? Do you try yet another counsellor, get divorced, or settle for a sexless marriage?

Lee Kofman, rebellious daughter of ultra-Orthodox Jews, has always sought her own way. True to her Bohemian dream—where love can coexist with sexual freedom—she decided to experiment with an open marriage, despite the fact that her previous non-monogamous relationship ended in disaster.

Our cultural mores suggest that love without monogamy is impossible, but Lee hoped she could do better the second time around. She embarked on a personal exploration to find out whether she could save her marriage while being non-monogamous in an ethical way. For several months, she talked to swingers, polyamorists, cross-dressers, suburban families, artists, and migrants—in short, anyone who had ever been involved in an unconventional relationship.

Set during Lee’s first years in Australia, it is also the story of migration and an exploration of the eternal conflict between our desire for security and our yearning for foreign places—in love and elsewhere. The Dangerous Bride tells the story of her quest.

Kofman’s book is flushed with her fearless, lovely writing, her questing, curious energy, and the true, full feeling of a truly fulfilling memoir. She writes of non-monogamy and infatuation as if they’re what everyone should study, but the descriptions by a newcomer to Australia are another kind of love story here. Strikingly candid and candidly engrossing. I need Kofman to be my next new best friend.
— Kate Holden